IMPOSSIBLE DREAM

Impossible Dream

Last night, I had the best night's sleep that I've had in months. For the first time in such a long time, I remembered one of my dreams!  I used to remember my dreams every morning, when I was younger. 

It's only half past ten in the morning and the memory is already fading. I desperately want to hold on to it. I don't want to forget it, because I don't want to forget the feeling I had in the dream.

I felt content, calm, peaceful and very hopeful in the dream. I haven't felt like that in ages.

Before I forget them, these are the pieces;

My husband and I bought a huge, old house in Lowell, MA.

It was in between other large, old houses. There was a small, narrow driveway that ran parallel to the house and the road, there were thin strips of grass on each side of the driveway.

The house was huge. The ceilings were high. There were lots of rooms. The layout was choppy, but in a good way, because it was a house with that old world charm. I was thinking that it must have been something in it's time. It needed tons of work. I was up for it!

The sun was shining into the windows; it was early morning. When I got down stairs I noticed that a fresh, cool breeze was coming in through each of the huge windows. They were opened all the way up and they all had screens.

I told my husband that I was shocked that he had left all of the downstairs windows open and unlocked all night, that I never even did that in the "safer suburban town" that we've lived in our whole life.

It was just a comment. I wasn't mad. In fact, I was pleasantly surprised!

I explored the rooms and the enclosed, entrance porches of the house. I recall noticing a very tall (maybe 10 feet? I came halfway up to it) grandfather clock made of carved wood. It was in one of the smaller entrance halls between the tall, sunny rooms and the huge, dark front door. I recall thinking how my husband would love restoring that clock. 

I turned to my left and opened a closet door, it was more than just a closet! It was more of a pantry (that needed work). I became more excited and even happier. I was so glad we bought this place.

Somehow, we ended up across the street. A woman was stuck in her yard that was flooding with water, so my husband and I helped her and her small daughter. I told the little girl that if they ever needed help, we lived "over there" and pointed at the house.

As we headed back, I noticed a boat trailer was now in parked our new driveway. I heard the group of guys who left it say to each other "Be careful, we are in immigrant country". 

I tried to run to catch up with them. I was yelling to them that they didn't need to fear immigrants, that their ancestors were also immigrants, who came to this country for a better, safer life. I was trying to yell to them that they left their boat trailer in our driveway, without asking, so they shouldn't be hypocrites.

Then I woke up.

....

I was disappointed because I wanted to return to that dream. I still felt that calm sense of contentment and that hopeful feeling that my husband and I bought a huge old place to restore and live in...even though it was only a dream.

In reality, we've been updating one of the newest houses we've ever bought. It definitely doesn't have any historic details or old world charm. It's not in a city but in a lovely, small town. It's been hard, stressful, tiring, expensive work. We've encountered so many challenges and setbacks, that we often have to try to remember "What were we thinking?"

The nice thing, though, is that in my dream I felt some feelings that have been lost to me for a long time. I hadn't even remembered that those feeling ever even existed. It's the same as how I haven't been remembering my dreams, I had forgotten that I dream at all.

I'm hoping to retrieve that sense of peace and calmness more frequently. It would be wonderful to have that feeling of contentment, while also becoming excited and grateful while I'm awake.

I remember now. It's not just an impossible dream.

September 26, 2015