Blogging Suits to Fit
When I started writing in this forum, it was to publicly sort my thoughts. I felt desperately alone, despite having nonstop love and support from my family and from many friends. I was slipping from their safe grasps into a hole of darkness.
I was drowning.
In sorrow.
In anger.
In fear.
In confusion.
The past pushers of "guilt and should and must" were sitting on my head.
Dread took over hope. Conflicting feelings were eating away at me, as I tried to hang on to who I used to be. If I could only remember who that was?
I needed to be heard. I needed to scream out the life lessons I had learned. I wanted to warn everyone I knew. I wanted everyone to WAKE UP and listen to me. Not just hear, but listen.
I couldn't find the words. I worked hard on typing out the sentences that were forming in my head. The problem was, they were never there, when I finally had the time to type. I couldn't recall what the topic I had decided on was, never mind any thoughts that I had on it!
As I rushed through my morning showers, and the warm, soapy water flowed over me, the right words flowed through my mind.
As I drove around town, forcing myself to complete the errands and unwanted work that seemed to overwhelm me, my thoughts went wild. I composed my pieces and had titles, as I sat in traffic, dying to get home.
Today, once again, this has happened. After reading some blogs written by others, I'm trying a new approach in writing because the blogs were so very different from one another.
One fascinated me.
One frustrated me.
One moved me.
One made me laugh.
So, here I am typing away, inspired by the blogs of others.
If there is one important "life lesson", that I might have known, but had long forgotten; it's that everyone is only human.
Everyone feels. Everyone expresses themselves in the way they know, or the way they feel comfortable. Some people are quite reserved. Some are...not quite! Some publish their emotions openly, or recklessly on their posts, while others put careful thought into each word they type.
I can relate to and feel for both. I have typed my thoughts in different directions, depending upon my stage of life, and/or mood and frame of mind at the time. The careful ones seem to know better, for even though there is always a "delete" button, one can never be quite sure, who saw or copied the post before it "disappeared".
Their images remain protected.
But, I tend to trust the ones who blurt out words impetuously, even if they are deleted once they have calmed down. Their human side shines through, even if it's just for a moment. That moment is raw and genuine. The emotions are released, and their point is made. No matter who is offended by it.
They are immediately judged, but in reality, only by another imperfect human.
As I have typed this, I have been careful in several ways:
I'm the Queen of Type O's, so no matter how many times I proofread and correct this before it's posted, there will still be mistakes. When I check this a month or so from now, I'll probably find more!
I try very hard to keep ones I've posted about anonymous, as much as possible. For their sake. And mine!
In typing this piece, I have deleted sections that were obvious peeves of mine, in case I ever calm down and/or change my mind of how I feel about them. I doubt this will happen, but they are only human. (See the life lesson above: the one I had forgotten!)
I used to type "blogs" off the top of my head, back when I belonged to a now changed, (which ruined it) then deserted social network. I seriously never worried what people thought when I wrote them, they were for me and my "imaginary" friends (my son's terms) to comment on. I recently checked to see if they were still there, and they are! Some comments are missing, but I was pleasantly surprised to see I knew who I was, and how I felt back then.
This was a bitter-sweet discovery, as I was thrilled to see they still existed and my writing wasn't half bad. But, I realized it used to be so easy when I thought no one was looking (like dancing and singing?) and I had the confidence to vent my heart out.....
Meanwhile, then everything changed: the site, my life, me...
Real life friends and family were meant to see this venue. I wanted them to. I wanted them to know the real me. Yet, I am much more careful. I want the words to flow easily. I want to look like I know how to write, even though I wasn't a scholar in English class.
I want the reader to try to open up to my feelings, to see both sides, to not judge, or feel offended just because we don't share the same opinion.
And that's why I'm here. I'm calm today, the day after that "Hurricane Sandy" drizzled and fluttered through our town. I know that I'm only human, and so are the rest of you. My opinions and words are mine, you may share them, or not. But, it's okay, either way.
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AFTER-THOUGHTS:
-Life lesson number two in my book is: You can always change your mind.
-Things to come:
I have complied a bunch of poems written over the year or so, I will create another blog area for them when I have time to remember how to do it.
