TOO GOOD TO STAY CLEAR

People who know me, know I would love to live in a tropical place where snow doesn't exist. Some try to get me to recognize the beauty of snow flakes softly floating to the ground. They point out how lovely and "pristine" the dead winter landscape becomes after a fresh snowfall.

They can't seem to grasp the idea of my dread of snow. They think as a native New Englander, I should be used to it by now. I should appreciate the change of weather with each season! I should accept how lucky I am to live where tornadoes and earthquakes are rare, and the summers are wonderfully comfortable.

Similar romantic thoughts of snow, were mine as a child. At night, I often "prayed"  for snowstorms, so school would be canceled the next day. My favorite seasons used to be in this order :

1. Fall
2. Winter
3. Summer
4. Spring

Now, the list is in this order:

1. Summer
2. Summer
3. Spring
4. Fall

Because I live in New England, I do appreciate that unless we are hit with a huge blizzard of a Nor' Easter variety, life doesn't come to a standstill, as it seems to when some parts of the country get as little as an inch!  If the falling snow melts as it hits the roads, I am grateful and relieved.

Many of the people, who try to convince me I'm wrong about snow, do not have to deal with it. They might have to drive in it, which is the least of my snow issues as New England's main roads are maintained very well. But, I doubt they have to shovel the snow, some don't even have to brush and scrape off their cars! I have to do both.

I have been told, by my husband and others, to let him do all the shoveling. As it is, he has to plow our home, his business, my mother's home, and any relative's home we are watching while they are away.

I am not a weak, feeble old woman, and nor do I want to be. I can shovel more shit than many men half my age. I do my part and won't stop by using the excuse of pretending I'm a 'helpless female'. That would make me a lying hypocrite.

Shoveling becomes the most exercise I might get, if there is snow. One of my main reasons for hating snow is the roads might be clear enough for driving, but my daily walks suffer, as the snow banks, drifts and ice patches make it dangerous.

There is also the "cold" factor. I have reached an age where the cold can seep into my bones and make them ache for summer. Having said that, this winter has been unseasonably warm, with very few days of frigid temps. People haven't heard me complain at all yet, this winter...

Until today, there has been no snow, since that early, freak snowstorm around Halloween. Because we've had quite a few sunny days and sidewalks have been clear and dry, I've been able to take walks, and get lots of exercise. This has made the cold bearable, and also kept me from my worst fear of winter; SAD.

Early this morning, I got up to put on the coffee, while it was still dark, so I didn't notice the snow falling. By the time I brought our coffee back to bed, I saw it. Since "this year is different", I had my husband turn off the TV, where the weather person was shrilly listing the accumulations in inches (but was also forecasting that it will warm up!).

I pulled up the shade, and we watched the snow fall.  We quietly sipped coffee in our cushy bed. While I was watching, I did acknowledge the natural beauty of the flurries. I appreciated our warm house, and the positive forecast of warmer temps.

OUT OF THE MONTH OF BABE

It's January, the first month of the new year! The month when resolutions are made, goals are set, and diets begin! The fitness centers are bursting at the seams with people bursting their seams!

People are either a bit skeptical of the "Start Fresh" (once again, and/ or try again?!) attitude, or are quite on board with it, at least for the first 'week'...until they and their will power become 'weak'?

Some of my past resolutions have included: saving money, eating healthier, exercising more, losing weight, making a point not to make mean or negative comments, making a point not to think negative thoughts, keep positive, and/or follow through with anything I said or promised or started.

Most of those lasted about two weeks, or less...

I'm sure many years ago, there were others such as to study harder. But, I can't remember making that particular resolution or anything I studied harder at!  For example, as my family is well aware, the only thing I recall about Science class is my lab partner and I were so bored that we quietly had our own private breath holding contest as we watched the clock. Oh, and also the smell of formaldehyde.

The one resolution I succeeded on was made in the early 80's. My husband and I were young, broke, and living paycheck to paycheck. His check paid our bills, while mine covered our groceries. We had one child, and were renovating an old, run down house, so had no cash for Christmas gifts. I was working in a bank and noticed people were receiving checks from their "Christmas Club Accounts".

After reading the restrictive rules of a Christmas Club, I opted to open just a regular passbook savings account, starting with my first January paycheck. I realized if I forced myself to save ten dollars off the top of my paycheck each week, by time the next Christmas rolled around we'd be well off. I was serious, as $520.00 plus five and a half percent compounded interest was a lot of money to us. It still is.

At that time, living on ten dollars less a week was a difficult struggle for us. Depositing that ten as soon as I received my check was the only way I kept that resolution.

Another stressful part of this resolution was my husband didn't know I was doing it! That passbook was going to be his surprise Christmas present from me. I still recall one low and horribly poor-feeling moment, when we had to make some sort of sacrifice that summer, because we were so broke, where I  ALMOST told him about the account. I can't recall what expense we had given up, but it was well worth it when he opened his stocking and saw the passbook balance on Christmas morning.

Since then, my resolutions, including one that said, "My resolution is to not have a resolution", have failed. I assume it was because they weren't very realistic, or I wasn't disciplined enough, or as desperate as I had been when I opened that passbook account.

This year will be different.

Of course, I've said that before! But, this year has already been different. For one thing, I don't have a set-in-stone resolution. It's more of a vague idea to reach a  calm and content year, of less sadness, less guilt, and less regrets. This year is to be filled with much more laughter, and making fun happen.

After a year of losing too many loved ones, which caused physical setbacks and emotional lows, I'm ready to get on with life. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of looking in the mirror to see puffy eyes, which tend to make me cry more!  I'm tired of making plans that are suddenly changed by circumstances beyond my control, and even worse, by circumstances I CAN control.

At least I can work on controlling, the way I react toward things. Impulsive  in nature, I will work on not immediately reacting with my primal instinct. I will still trust my instinct, but will also pause before blurting out my 2 cents, which is often ridiculous, because I've jumped to a totally mistaken conclusion!

If an unexpected change in plans occurs, I will work* (*hoping eventually not have to 'work' so hard at it) on going with the flow, because I've discovered that some changes can be very good.

This piece is one example. As I was driving home from the produce store this morning, I had been thinking about how I miss having little ones around. I was remembering the unconditional love of babies, the innocence and joy of little children, and how much pleasure I get from seeing them.

I was thinking about how some people despise babies, some can take them, or leave them. Then, there are people like me, who wave, smile & say "Hi" to the babies in the grocery store, and play peek-a-boo with them on the subway. To me, there is almost nothing that raises my endorphins more than a baby breaking into a drooling, toothless smile, especially if they also happen to give one of those little chuckles of delight! 

So, I got on this computer and started this piece...It was supposed to be about babies, new beginnings, and somehow tying it in with the New Year and the good experiences of a fresh start, and a new life...thinking my clever title would be... "From the Month of Babes"....

As often happens in my daily life, the plan changed. The words ended up flowing in a different direction. I've gone with it, and it's okay. I'm calm and content about it.

This year is different.

Happy New Year.